I wrote this without actually thinking it through.

I thought I wouldn't know what to write about. But maybe I do, I just didn't want to put it out in words, because somehow that makes it real. It makes it true, and I don't want it to be true. 

i think we've all been trying too hard to be friends, maybe a bit too hard sometimes. But I think this trying happens cause we care too much, and the disappointment is just a natural part of the progression. I'm tired though, I'm not sure if I want to try that hard anymore, because I've reached a stage where I want to be a little selfish, and throw a little temper, and not suit everyone. 

I'm not going to meet you tomorrow, because even though I really really like hanging out with you, I'm tired. Tired of pretending that I'm okay with us being just friends. It's not his fault too, and if the impression you want to convey is that there's been nothing between us, then I'm sorry, I'm not participating in this futile attempt with you. 

I think I'm mad enough to leave it as it is, but I do want to leave you with one thing - that while these few months have been amazing, sometimes, they have been really excruciating too.